We’re going “college crazy” right about now. We’ve hit that stage in our lives when our two oldest boys – one a high school senior and the other a college freshman – have been knee deep in the thick of college searches and applications for the past two years. Well that’s not entirely true. It’s more accurate to say that the boys have been -maybe - ankle deep in all of that, while we, the parents, have been chest high in these murky waters. I guess it’s just another one of those right of passages for parents. Kinda’ getting sick of those.
Typical College Fitness Center
But while it’s incredibly stressful and work intensive, it is a fascinating process. My wife and I have to admit that visiting campuses and researching what the colleges have to offer has been a very exciting and enlightening experience. Certainly, a lot has changed at most colleges since I was a student over 25 years ago. For one thing, the old-fashioned solitary cafeteria has turned into a multi-dimensional dining experience with an array of gourmet food choices that’s mind boggling. (I remember just being happy when my cafeteria introduced “Omelette Sunday.”) And if that’s not enough to satisfy your demanding taste buds, there’s likely to be a choice of food courts with brand-name franchises, cutsie little snack bars, and Starbucks coffee shops right around the corner. Oh, and remember that dank, smelly gym with the warped floors and a single set of free weights we used to use? Well that’s probably been replaced with a state-of-the-art fitness center that puts Gold’s Gym to shame. You might even get some rock-wall climbing in before sipping a smoothy at the juice bar. I guess the good news is that while colleges now offer many more ways to get fat, they offset it with many more ways to lose weight. It’s a brilliant marketing scheme.
While the on-campus living experience has obviously been improved (although back then we never seemed to feel deprived by a social life limited to weekly fraternity keg parties – go figure), I have to admit that the academic experience seems to have expanded and grown as well. From the scores of colleges we’ve researched and visited, my wife and I both agreed that the academic choices have become much more flexible and customizable, and also skewed more towards skill building and preparation for industry. It’s not that the notion of gaining a general liberal arts education has disappeared altogether, it’s just that the emphasis on having real-world skills and marketability upon graduating seems to be stronger than we remembered. I suppose that’s an inevitable trend, especially in these economic times.
The choices of academic majors, minors and course selections now seem infinite. You can find a course in just about anything. We visited one well respected northeastern university which proudly boasted that their most popular course among the students was The History of Golf. My silent response to that was, duh. But the point is, you can study virtually anything today.
Communications – A Two-Way Street
For reasons that I can only hope would be obvious, I was particulary drawn to the academic field of Communications, which was offered to one degree or another by many of the colleges we’ve been considering. The throng of academic choices in just this discipline alone is impressive. Depending upon the school, a Communications major is able to concentrate in any of the following disciplines: Journalism, Broadcast Media (writing and production), Public Relations, Public Communication, Advertising, Graphic Design, Political Discourse, Argumentation, Organizational Behavior, Speech Therapy, Advocacy, Film and Entertainment, and Electronic Media, just to name a few.
What struck me about this array of choices was my perception that many of these areas of study seemed to portray communication as a one-way street. The emphasis is on getting the message out. Journalists and broadcasters deliver the news. Public relations experts have stories placed and picked up by the news. Advertisers and graphic designers combine to sell a message to an audience. And film producers send out a product to entertain. There’s nothing inherently evil about that. At least I hope not, since this very blogging would constitute evil doing if that were the case. But I’m wondering if the modern day colleges – in or out of their Communications programs – are teaching the inverse side of that one way street – the listening side. Because we still seem to be missing that route in businesses and other organizations.
I’m not really sure if listening were ever enough of an art in our society to now be considered a lost art. Either way, it sure seems that listening is in short supply. And I’m talking about true listening. I know that we have surrogate forms of listening. We are wired into so many media outlets that we are constantly absorbing new information all the time. So we’re scanning, glossing, reading, processing and even retaining tons of information that is coming our way. I’m just not sure it counts as true listening.
The #1 Communication Skill – Listening
You're not listening
The good news is that listening isn’t an art, it’s really a skill, which means that anyone can develop the skill. If they want to. And the skill set is pretty basic. Consider just these two primary modes of listening:
1) Passive Listening
a) Make eye contact (i.e., not with your BlackBerry) - it conveys that you’re connecting with the communicator.
b) Nod your head – it conveys that you’re acknowledging the communicator.
c) Smile – it says you can emote; that you’re human and approachable.
2) Active Listening
a) Let the other person finish without interrupting – it conveys that you respect them.
b) Paraphrase a little of what the other person has said (e.g., “What I hear you saying is…”) – it conveys that you validate their point of view.
c) Acknowledge that the other person feels strongly about their perspective (e.g., ”I can tell you’ve put a lot of thought into this…”) - it conveys that you value their opinion.
d) State your own opinion or retort in a calm, direct manner – it conveys that you are thoughtful and have self control.
In the real-life school of communication, listening is actually one of the most powerful communication tools we have. When skillfully employed, it’s amazing how much a person can convey through simple listening. Silence, body language, facial expressions, respectful confirmation of others; these and other skills can literally speak volumes within any interpersonal communication. They do so because they inherently turn any communication from a one-way discourse into a two-way dialogue. And that’s what communication is really supposed to be.
The good news is that upon closer examination, I found that there were indeed courses within most colleges that actually focused on organizational and interpersonal communications, and they likely included an emphasis on listening skills. The concern is that the emphasis on listening isn’t front and center for most college students in general.
So what I’m thinking of doing is requiring each of my college-bound sons to take at least one course that has some emphasis on listening skills. I feel it’s justified and for their own good (and that I can make this one requirement based upon the power vested in me by my painful tuition payments). It shouldn’t be a big academic burden to them, and they can always practice their listening skills while rock-climbing with a partner or sipping a Cinnamon Dolce Frappuccino at the Starbucks Cafe with buddies. Either way, it will make them much better communicators.
COMMENTS
No Comments