In the passing of Steve Jobs we were all unavoidable witnesses to the public immortalizing of a mortal man. Death, perhaps more than life, has a tendency to stir that phenomenon.
Steve Jobs with family
There’s no arguing that Steve Jobs’ impact and influence on society was of a magnitude matched by precious few individuals in our recent history. Thus, he is deserving of the many accolades bestowed upon him by friends, colleagues, rivals and media pundits who offered their remembrances over the past weeks. He has been described as a pioneer, a maverick, a legend, a creative genius, a visionary, and an icon. He was credited with changing the face of the modern world, and characterized as the Thomas Edison and Henry Ford of our time. And I imagine that we won’t find too many individuals coming forward to indignantly dispute these deifying remarks.
On the other hand, none of the biographical descriptions of Steve Jobs – even the most favorable of them – have attempted to paint Jobs as flawless or perfect. In fact – as is typically the case in our contemporary tabloid-driven society – his personal flaws have been well documented and well publicized alongside his accomplishments.
One could argue that Steve Jobs was – and is – as much a brand as Apple itself, and further, that the biography of Steve Jobs is as much a product as the iPhone or iPad. Of course even in death, Jobs – ever the prolific marketer and control freak – continued to exercise the same influence and control over the product of his biography as he did over the many Apple products he introduced.
Jobs undoubtedly faced his own mortality long before the rest of the world did, when he began dealing with the diagnosis of his very rare form of pancreatic cancer seven years ago. So three years ago he decided to take charge of creating and defining his own legacy by hiring Walter Isaacson to write an authorized biography which Jobs must have sensed would be his last. Given Jobs’ world-renowned tradition of taking to the stage as a charismatic, almost rock-star figure to announce the heralded arrival of each of Apple’s new products, it was no surprise that Jobs would want to create a similar environment for revealing his own historical legacy. And the Isaacson biography sought to do just that. But in authorizing this rare biographical insight into his own life, Jobs was not just flexing his egocentric muscles one last time. According to him, he had a separate and more poignant motive.
“I Wanted My Kids to Know Me”
Isaacson said that Steve Jobs used their last interview before his death to explain why he agreed to a tell-all book despite living such a famously private life. Jobs offered this explanation: “I wanted my kids to know me. I wasn’t always there for them, and I wanted them to know why and to understand what I did.”
The explanation struck a chord of sadness for me. I wondered about the price this man had paid to achieve the level of iconic status that he inarguably achieved. I wondered just how much he had missed, having to write a book to explain his absences. I also wondered if he thought it was all worth it, and what regrets he may have had about sacrificing family relationships due to his devotion to his business ventures. Could he have achieved his same level of success, and made that same substantial mark on the world, had he not devoted so much time to business at the expense of his family? And that begs the question, can anyone achieve a reasonable level of business success or hold a leadership position of any prominence without creating a significant level of regret? It’s a question that most of us have to face every day in our own personal lives, as we struggle through the universal challenge of balancing the demands of work with the pull of our family responsibilities. There is not an easy answer. But there are some guiding markers along the way.
Steve Jobs does not make a great example for the concept of nice guys finishing first. Even by Isaacson’s written account, Jobs is characterized as an egotistical, defiant, manipulative, uncompromising and obnoxious personality who was never known for worrying about whose feathers he ruffled or whose feelings he hurt. Using Steve Jobs as a model, one might hold to the old-school belief system where nice guys were presumed to finish last, and success was associated with nastiness and mean-spiritedness. Fortunately, there are many antithetical examples of extraordinary leaders and achievers whose management and interpersonal styles were based upon principles of treating people with respect and dignity.
Notably, it doesn’t seem that Jobs offered any regrets about his edgy management style, although some reports noted a softening of tone in recent years. But in stating his rationale for authorizing Isaacson’s biography about him, Jobs was indeed proclaiming the regrets of lost family time, of “not always being there for them.”
Isaacson noted that in recent years Jobs had developed a growing appreciation for time spent with his family. He certainly loved them, as they did him. It’s possible that the severity of his illness created this new-found appreciation relatively late in life, and it’s a shame that he ran out of time to see it through.
Anna Quindlen made this quote famous: “No man ever said on his deathbed, ‘I wish I had spent more time in the office.’” Steve Jobs left a monumental legacy deserving of all the praise and acknowledgement that he’s received. But in his case, that legacy seems to have come at an enormous price. With Isaacson’s biography, Jobs used some of his final words, during his final days to describe his final product - and, to illustrate that price. It was the price of regret.
As we struggle through our own work-life-balance challenges, there’s one simple guiding principle worth following: if you feel like you should be spending more time with your family, then you should. Because, we can take today to erase the regret of yesterday or this past weekend. But we have to actually take today to do it. Otherwise, we may end up living with – and dying with – regret, which can’t be erased by even the grandest of memoirs or legacies.
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