Nice Guys Finish First!

Celebrating the winning ways of Nice Guys….By Doug Rogers

Controlling Ego & Emotion (Arch Enemies to all Nice Guys)

Convert Ego → Humility

• Practice “displacement” (become your audience).

• Self deprecate.

• Give credit, don’t take it.

• Treat others as humans and as equals.

• Trust that you are appreciated and valued.

Convert Emotion → Self Mastery

• Practice “displacement” (transpose the moment, become your audience).

• Preempt your reaction by knowing your triggers.

• Prepare a response template for bad news.

• Pause, breathe, think …… then speak or react.

COMMENTS

2 Comments

  1. Ramona

    September 7th, 2010 03:39 PM

    Doug,
    I just read your blog/website. I really think it is wonderful! Thanks for the work you do.
    PS. Glad to see you are still skiing! Your video was so funny!
    Anyway, I agree with your comments about Ego. I would recommend that you read Eckhart Tolle – The Power of Now and The New Earth.
    I am not sure I agree with your comments on Emotion.
    We are human and therefore show and express ourselves emotionally. I don’t think that preparing “templates for bad news” is a HUMAN quality. It sounds like you are saying we need to be robots. I would replace it with, understand your triggers and emotions, learn from them, feel what you need to feel, and realize that it is just one perspective…”my story, your story and the truth”. It’s all in how your frame your thoughts that triggers your emotions…
    Mona

  2. Doug Rogers

    September 10th, 2010 01:59 PM

    Hi Mona, Thanks for the great comments! I think you make some excellent points. After developing the original website content, I have since modified some of my language in my newer writings that may actually come a bit closer to what you’re advocating. I would basically agree with your comment on emotions, and I wouldn’t want to advocate eliminating them (although that would be helpful in some cases!!). My recent emphasis on emotion has focused on building self awareness, knowing your own triggers (as you pointed out), and then developing skills to control emotions through self mastery over impulses and outbursts. My purpose in using the word “emotions” was really to focus on the old-school, coercive behaviors that are still far too common today, and often driven by the negative emotions of frustration, fear, impatience and – ultimately – anger. I recently spoke to a BASF training class at the request of a friend in HR over there and emphasized “EQ” versus “IQ,” as espoused by Daniel Goleman in his work on Emotional Intelligence. Thanks again for the feedback!! I really appreciate it. Hope all is well! Doug

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